things are good

life is good. the job has been going fantastically. it's hard to believe that i've already been working for 3.5 weeks. time sure flies, as they say. and, believe it or not, i've already gotten a promotion. the juvenile prosecutor up and quit without any notice one day and the da and chief civil prosecutor approached me with the job. of course, i said yes, and so this week will be my last as the jp prosecutor. i did the juvenile docket this last friday, and it went pretty well. this county does the hearings a bit differently from my last job, but i can adjust and hopefully contribute some new things into the system.

living with john has also been good. things are still a bit cramped in his 1 bedroom apartment with our 3 dogs, but that will be changing in less than 3 months. there's still so much i'd like to try and get started on, but money and time always seem to be tight. right now i have to focus on our vegas trip in december. i promised john i'd take him for his birthday and there's no way i'm backing out b/c i can't save money. besides, it's about damn time we took a real vacation together. i'm so excited!

new job

yea! so i have a new job. i am now an assistant district attorney. i'll be spending a large part of my time in the jp courts, which will require a company car, laptop, and cell phone since i'll be out of the office most of the time. ahh...the perks. an interesting quirk about the job is that it apparently involves dealing with members of the republic of texas "cult". sigh...so i hope it won't become a danger to my health. we shall see. anyway, here's to another new beginning...

birthday

yesterday was my 29th birthday. i feel so old. however, i had a fantastic day. my best friend, jennifer, came to town from dallas to celebrate with me. we first went to dinner at boudro's, and while the food was fantastic, the ambience was lacking. i always forget how crazy the riverwalk is during the summer. yucky tourists in their flip flops and t-shirts sitting 2 inches away from us kind of made the restaurant less special, but overall it was good. we then ventured off to zinc champagne and wine bar. i like the place because it never gets too crazy crowded. jen and i drank champagne all night long. after the obligatory stop at ihop, we went home and crashed. i had a great time and i hope john and jen did too. while i can't believe that i'm 1 year away from 30, it's not really so bad. here's to my last year of youth.

i did it!

so...it has been a while since my last post. first thing, mi padre is doing fabulously! his recovery is something of a miracle. he's had a hard time breathing and doing anything physical for some time, but since his surgery things have gotten significantly better. he'll never be able to run a marathon, but to be able to walk from room to room without practically keeling over from breath shortage is a huge improvement.

on another note, i did it! i actually did it! at the beginning of may, i gave my notice to my boss and as of june 1, 2007 i have been living with john in san antonio. i was so nervous about giving my notice, mainly because i did not know how my boss would react. amazingly, while he was very upset by my leaving, he did not take it out on me. he was very positive about my moving up and wrote an almost embarassingly flattering letter of recommendation. furthermore, the reaction from the entire courthouse to my leaving really made me feel like i made an impact on that place. from judges to attorneys to staff, everyone let me know how much they would miss me and what a great job they thought i did. every judge offered to provide a reference without my asking. my office threw a wonderful going away party that everyone attended, even judges. i can't begin to explain the effect that place made on me. it was a great environment to work in and i learned so much during my year there. given my state when i started this blog, i'd say this is true progress.

now, while that is all well and good, the fact remains that i've quit my job and moved to a new city. i now have a whole new slew of challenges, the first of which is one that i'm already familiar with - the job hunt. one thing i told myself when i decided to make this move is that i need to put myself in more control over my career decisions. no more letting others do it for me. therefore, if i want a job in san antonio, then that's where i'm going to work. no more traveling the texas countryside because that's all i think i can get. and, surprisingly, it has already started to pay off. i have my first interview this week with the da's office.

anyway, time for bed. more to come...

daddy

greetings! i'm sitting here at my parents' house trying to deal with an allergic reaction to my new mascara. i'm trying to make myself presentable since i have to visit my daddy in the hospital in a little while. he had a minor heart attack this past wednesday and is recovering from that. the surgery to find the blockages and fix them went fine. unfortunately, the incision began bleeding internally and that requires another surgery today. my poor daddy. he's starting to handle it pretty well, but he was not a happy person wednesday - friday. not that i don't blame him. so, that's my life...

Ho Hum...

Greetings! I have nothing to write about today, but oh well. It's a quarter past 6:00, and I really should be home already, but I'm dragging. Tomorrow I have a jury trial in JP court. Not exactly high profile, but it is only my third jury trial, so I'm still a bit nervous. What amazes me the most is why someone actually wants to challenge an unrestrained passenger charge? Seriously. Oh well, I'll just call it practice.

Work is going pretty well. My secretary came into my office this morning and asked if I was still thinking of leaving. It's nice to have people want me to stick around so much. Don't I feel special. Anyway, not much else to say. Until next time.

You're Never Too Sick for New Shoes

I'm a bit under the weather today. Sore throat, groggy head. I'm praying it doesn't get much worse. Other than that, things are good. Work is constant, but not overwhelming. A couple of weeks ago, I got to spend a week in Austin for what is affectionately called "baby prosecutor school." It was great meeting young prosecutors from all over the state. I may have even made a connection with an attorney at the Harris County DA's office. Unfortunately, a major ice storm hit Austin that same week, and I was pretty much locked inside the hotel. It was still nice to get away from the work grind. Last night I participated in a teleclass with Kimberly Wilson, yoga instructor and author of Hip Tranquil Chick. I've never done anything like a teleclass before, so it was kind of neat. It was short, so she couldn't delve too deeply into the topics, but at the end she opened up the forum to questions and I realized people were there from Ohio, DC, and tons of other places. It's amazing how she has connected with so many people all over the county.

Anyway, I'm off because, in spite of my sickness, I must go shoe shopping!

Moving On

And we meet again. Amazing how it has been over two months since I've been here last. The gaps between entries grow further and further apart. Oh, the joys of employment! Today is Christmas. I'm spending it at home with my parents and my boyfriend and our many, many dogs (five, specifically). The bf left this evening to head back home, so now it's just me and my thoughts. With the new year approaching, it's unsurprising that those thoughts revert to my accomplishments over the past year and where I'm at now as opposed to this time last year. In some ways, I have absolutely grown and bettered myself and my situation, but in other ways I feel like I'm still where I started. I guess it is asking too much for immediate and remarkable change, and, honestly, gradual change is probably easier to handle, though I may not have the patience for it.

I think I've made a decision (wow!). I've decided that once I hit the one year mark of this job, I'm moving back to San Antonio. There is serious doubt as to whether I will continue in the legal world once I move, which is a source of consternation at the moment. I'm trying not to let everything overwhelm me, and to focus on the bottom line. Specifically, by the time May comes around, I'll have been separated from the bf for almost three years. For three years we have been doing the long-term thing, and while I feel that it's been a good test for us, I also feel that, obviously, this cannot continue forever. Some part of me feels like I've been running or exploring for the past few years, and now it's time to return to home. Another part of me feels like I'm doing the typical female thing of forgoing my career to follow a man. But, I tend to be of split mind about a lot of things, so I'm really trying to focus on what I want. And what I want is to be settled - to move on from the student-esque life that the bf and I have maintained long after we have actually been in school. I want a home, I want a relationship where we see each other everyday, and, someday, a family. That ain't happening if I continue to stay away from him.

My moving from San Antonio hasn't been due solely to the fact that I sought employment outside of San Antonio. I had sought opportunities in SA and for some reason none amounted to anything. So, I have been forced to look elsewhere, but perhaps not for naught. In the past few years as an attorney, I've done things I absolutely never thought I could. I've been a litigator - something I vowed I would never do in law school, I've sat first chair in jury trials (even won some!), and I've become a more independent, stronger person. I don't know if I would have done that if I simply stayed in SA under the protective wing of the bf and the security of familiarity. The decision to quit a not completely sucky and very stable job and move away is very unlike me. I've always been taught to make safe, secure, predictable decisions. Quiting one's job and moving in with a boyfriend, albeit a boyfriend of almost eight years, is not a decision I make often. Actually, try never. But one way I look at it is this, this is the first time I really have stepped out on a limb, stepped out of my comfort zone, took a chance at something that everyone else would say I shouldn't. All those types of things. And I feel really good about it. So, go me!

Elucidate

Where have I been? Almost 2 months since my last post. Time is flying at lightening speed. It's hard to find time to just stop and be in the moment. As is always true with a new job, I find myself engrossed in all things work. Even my boss pleaded with me to take today off. I didn't, and of course, it was a good thing since last minute crises popped up right and left. One of the things about being a government attorney, things always arise last minute. It either keeps it interesting or will make me go insane. The jury's still out on that one. I've had some successes during the past few months. I got 2 juvenile murder suspects certified as adults. I feel that the right thing happened, but it does conjure up sympathetic feelings for the boys. It's too bad that kids end up with the wrong types of people and get into serious trouble for it. I work in a small county, but it is amazing the gang activity that prevails. Of course, gang activity was the source behind the murder these boys were facing. Sometimes, though, we have to pay big for our mistakes. That's life, I suppose. Anyway, the other things I've done I'll just kindly call "learning experiences." I had my first witnesses lie on the stand. That was unpleasant, but I do know how to handle that situation if/when it happens again. I've got another gang related case going to trial next week, so I'm pretty sure some of my witnesses will be lying there as well. I'm ready for them.

Other than work, not much else to talk about. I'm actually reading books again. I was so wired or tired by the end of the workday, that a lot of my books have gone unread for some time. I'm forcing myself to make more time for reading, and it is working to my advantage. It's just such a calming and creative activity for me. I just finished reading Breakfast at Tiffany's by Truman Capote. It was pretty good, but nothing quite beats the movie in terms of visual aesthetic. I'm now finishing A Passage to India by E.M. Forster. It is such a great novel. I had finished about half of it before I started working, and then it got pushed aside while I adjusted to this crazy job. Hopefully, I can finish it soon.

I've noticed a most unfortunate decline in my physique. Desk jobs and stress tend to have that affect. As much as I love yoga, it too has fallen by the wayside as I tend to come home to tired or unfocused to do an hour of yoga. But, I can really feel the lack of physical activity's toll on my body. I'm dragging, slow, but my mind is zooming. It's the worst combination, and I know the remedy is getting my butt up and exercising. I'm trying to get back into a routine of taebo to get my body more pepped up, and then bring in some yoga again. Why are there not enough hours in the day for everything we need to do???

The bf is doing well. He finally got a formal job offer from the company he has been interning with for a year and a half. I know he is thrilled, but it makes our separation that much more infinite. I'm pretty happy where I'm at for the time being, and he's happy where he's at. Who knows what the future has in store for us. We've been geographically separated for 2 years. To anyone else, that is crazy, but we still hang in there. What for, I'm not sure.

So, that's my update in a nutshell. Someday, I'll be where I want to be. In the meantime, I'm still working on this lawyer thing and trying to throw in a little yoga, reading, and boyfriend.

Muse

I'm an incredibly visual person. The right pictures and scenery can invoke such creativity from me, that I always take the time to google for various images, usually those relating to yoga, ballet, meditation, etc. Of course, I've been doing just that this afternoon, and felt like sharing some of my finds.

Gratitiude

Okay, it is long past my birthday, but I wanted to create a list of 28 things that I love or that I'm grateful for. I saw this on hiptranquilchick.blogspot.com, and think it's a great idea to help stay focused on the value of my life. So, here goes:

1. My family.
2. John.
3. My dogs.
4. Good friends.
5. My new job!
6. Tiffany (as in the jewelry store)
7. Hot shoes.
8. My college and law degrees.
9. That my car has lasted as long as it has (saved me some much needed $$$).
10. Flowers.
11. My fabulous bathroom!
12. Yoga and wellness.
13. Manicures and pedicures.
14. Opportunity and potential.
15. Books (of all genres, of course, but particularly books on wellness and fiction).
16. My pink cell phone!
17. Being a lawyer.
18. Ability to facilitate change.
19. My faith.
20. french manicures
21. pink pedicures
22. my artistic inclination (though I see less and less of it as the years go by)
23. opportunity
24. being able to support myself
25. expectation
26. smiles from strangers
27. fabulous shoes
28. each day (though I tend to not appreciate this on a daily basis - one of many things I'm working on)

Work

Here is where I work - the epitomy of a small town courthouse. It's actually pretty cute, and I like that it is an historic building rather than the modern monstrosities.

Tired

So, I've hit the downwind of the new job high. Things are moving fast and furious, and I'm struggling to keep up. My mentor attorney has taken ill for over a week now, and, while I'm sorry that he feels bad, I'm stressed out trying to figure out what I'm doing. Part of me says to just relax, and if I mess up, I mess up. Another part of me (the perfectionist, I guess) its starting to get pretty freaked out. I suppose this up and down is normal for any job. I typically overstress about things, and then the result is not so bad. Perhaps this is the lingering effect of my previous job. Whatever it may be, it's pretty trying to get through. Well, the day is over. Time to go enjoy my few precious hours out of the office.

Life is Good

Wow! It has been four weeks since my last entry. Part of the reason for that is due to my lack of cable/internet at my apartment. Another part is just the sheer speed with which time is flying. I'm sitting here at my office at work and just marveling at how far I've come. It's not the smoothest road out there, but I'm learning a lot from my mistakes. I actually drive home from work most days with a smile on my face. That's such a new feeling for me!

In some ways, my job is pretty simple. I handle hearings for juvenile and CPS cases. Those departments are the ones primarily responsible for the day-to-day handling of the files. My job is to just present the cases at the various hearings. Procedurally, it is not too challenging and is something that I think I'll catch onto easily. In other ways, though, I really feel some level of fulfillment from my work. Though I usually don't see the children who are given new lives and opportunities by CPS or the kids who have taken the wrong path in the juvenile cases, I see what my work contributes to and I find value in that. Definitely a first for me.

I haven't yet made time for my non-work life - something I really need to remedy, but I'm feeling good about where I'm at. Just felt the need to put that on pen and paper (or keypad and screen?).

New Beginning

I guess I have to take a different stance with my blog now. Evolution is in progress. I've been at my new job for seven days now, and I really think I'm going to like it there (at least when I figure out what the heck I'm doing!). I've handled my own with my boss and I've handled my own in the courtroom. I'm by no means perfect, but I feel that I have some potential to figure things out and succeed. That feeling is a first for me, at least in a long time.

I can't wait to move into my apartment. As much as I appreciate and enjoy staying with my friend, it just doesn't feel like I'm on my own until I'm really on my own. I'll be closer to work and in a position to really create more of a life for myself. Here's to life.

Perfection is Stagnant

I've been on a role for the past few days. For some reason, I'm motivated to write. Anyway, the title of this post refers to another something I heard on the pilates podcast I mentioned before. "Perfection is stagnant." The man (the same one who also asks how your body is feeling) in the podcast was discussing how pilates is always a growth process. The same is true with life and the many things we do with it. This man said that, while each of us should push ourselves to reach perfection, we should never truly expect it. First of all, because it is an unrealistic goal, but also, second, because what is there left to do once perfection is achieved? Nothing. There's nothing else to do in life. If we reached perfection in anything, that part of our life is destroyed because there's nothing to push for. And, really, it's the push that makes life so great.

Nostalgia and Baseball

This weekend, the bf and I went to College Station for the weekend. Technically, we stayed in Caldwell, a small(er) town by College Station, where the bf's friend lives. It was nice seeing my old college stomping ground again. On Friday, we went to one of my favorite restaurants there, Cafe Excel. On Saturday and Sunday, we all went to Aggie baseball games. Unfortunately, the Ags lost both games to t.u., but it was still fun nonetheless. I'm not a huge sports fan, and I still had fun. The bf always checks and double checks to make sure I want to be there. It gets a bit annoying, because if I don't want to go, then I won't go. Sometimes, I choose to do things because I really, really want to, but other times I'll do it because he wants to. There's nothing wrong with that, and I know he does the same thing for me too.

Anyway, so while we were in Olsen Field watching the games, my eye and mind drifted beyond the field and to the rest of the campus. It's hard to believe that it has been over five years since I lived there. You always think back and wish that you appreciated what you had back then more. I loved most of my time at A&M, but I always think I could have made better choices about the activities I was in (or not in) and about more professional preparation. I don't know, but nostaliga definitely got to me this weekend.

What is Serenity?

I keep throwing this word out - serenity. What does it mean? How do I atain it? By definition, serenity is the state or quality of being serene, or unaffected by disturbance; calm and unruffled. I imagine, of course, that serenity means different things for different people. Since this is my journal, the question begging to be answered is what does serenity mean to me? I don't really have a clear answer for this. I know that reading a good book always makes me feel great. Practicing yoga or pilates at home with complete silence is one of the best moments I can think of. Feeling the fragrant heat of tea on my face. Going to the gym with my friend and catching up on gossip while really working up a sweat really helps bring a needed human connection in my life.

I'm very tempted to write that having a job and being able to financially support myself are things that will bring serenity. However, I did spend a year working in a job and financially supporting myself, and the last word I would use to describe that year is serene. So, it seems that I require something more than that status to calm my mind and truly make me happy. I think I discovered this in college, certainly in law school, but my pride and society required sole focus on my future career.

It is commonly said that practial experience is the best teacher, and after my short stint as an attorney, I wholeheartedly agree. If I gained nothing else from that challenge, I at least recognized how important one's job is in one's life. It is time consuming. Iit takes you away from family and friends. It takes you out of the sunlight. It is the source of most people's stresses. It bleeds into your personal life. It is, by far, one of the biggest chunks of your life. So, it is of the utmost importance to find a job that makes you HAPPY! After really seeing how much a job impacts you and your life, why settle for anything else? I don't know. Maybe I'm just wishful thinking, but a good job is certainly worth fighting for and searching for and praying for. I don't think this answers the question I posed for this entry, but helpful nonetheless.

An Intention

Having reflected on the past year's highs and lows, I'd like to focus on my intentions for this year (granted, it is already a quarter over).

1. Focus on friends and family. So unfortunate, but both of these groups are usually much neglected by me. Like most people, I blamed my busy schedule as a student and as a lawyer for my lack of attention to these people. Likewise, friends and family offer the same excuses for not staying in touch with me. Despite that, I would like to make a better commitment to keeping my friends and family connected to me and the things happening in my life. Thinking back, there are many friends/potential friends that are no longer in my life whatsoever (not even the obligatory christmas card), which is so sad because moving on from one part of my life should never mean that I drop the people who made that part special for me. This intention is particularly hard for me right now, as I have not told many people about my current situation. It is hard talking about it with those not closest to me - I am always so worried about being judged as a failure or incompetent.

2. Find a great job. Sometimes (most times) I feel that this is completely out of my control. I read books, articles, etc. writing about how if you don't like your current situation, then change it. It is all up to you. I have felt this way before - heck, I used to spout similar statements out to myself and others all the time. Now, it's hard to feel that charge over my own life. I have busted my butt for almost seven months job-hunting, sending applications, traveling for interviews just to be rejected. I have a good resume, I did well in law school, my first job required me to do a lot of work that other firms wouldn't give to a new associate. It's hard to maintain a good attitude after all of that, and it becomes understandable, I think, why I feel that this whole thing is out of my hands. A growing part of me wonders if this isn't some divine intervention trying to tell me to move out of the legal field. I feel that this intention/necessity is stumping my progress as a person, is preventing me from doing things I want to do (because of lack of $), and is downright weighing pretty heavily on me at the moment.

3. Spend time creating a welcoming space. Right now, that space is my bedroom in my parents' home, but hopesfully I will be able to move into my own apartment again sometime this year. Either way, I'd like to really focus on creating a good space for myself. This is something that I always wanted to work on. I bought books on decorating, shopped around in home decor stores, and researched feng shui since I moved into my first apartment in college. However, I never transferred that desire and research into action. Originally, I blamed it on my limited student finances, but even when I started working, I neglected it. I think a big part of that was because I was so miserable with my job and scared every day that I might lose my job, that it reflected in my desire to lavish my apartment. For the first six months in my 1-bedroom apartment, I only had a bed, dresser, desk, and tiny TV table. No couch. Nothing on the walls. It was downright despressing (as if life wasn't depressing enough for me as it was). However, I did find a very affordable couch after that time, and did a little bit of decorating once I made that find. Bought a proper TV armoire. Bought some fun pictures for the living room walls. Did a bit of decorating in the kitchen. But it was still a long way from the space I really want for myself.

For my next apartment (which will be 2-bedroom), I must have my own washer/dryer. I also want to spend more time creating warmth in my space - possibly by painting, putting up curtains, that type of thing. I tend like clean lines, kind of zen feel to the rooms. I also want to spend more time on my bedroom - a much neglected place. It needs a complete overhaul - something clean, but girly. I want a space that reflects me.

4. Take care of my dogs. In addition to proper vet care, of course, I want to make sure they have proper exercise, so they don't insist on going crazy in the house. There is a great dog park close-by that I love going to. I'd like to be more consistent about going there, possibly at least once a week. The thing I've been most neglectful of is walking. I've read that leash walking is always necessary, even if a dog gets to run around outside because it enforces who is master. I really want to commit to walking my dogs every evening. Also, I would like to start training classes, especially for Bogey.

5. Focus on yoga. This is an intention that has become growingly important. I was introduced to yoga in college, and knew even then that I would love it. College Station didn't have too much to offer in terms of yoga. There was one studio in town that I looked at, but never signed up for. The story of my life - chickening out. In law school, I bought some DVDs and began a home practice, but it was very sporatic and undisciplined. I became more focused right after law school, before I got my first job. But once I started working, I never worked out that entire time. Obviously, my dedication to my well-being has not been, well, dedicated. When I finally get a job, and can afford to do so, I would like to begin a regular class study of yoga - perhaps twice a week as an initial goal. Until then, I have some very good home practice DVDs that I am working on, and my goal is to become more dedicated to (eventually) a daily practice.

6. Consider yoga as a career. Remember how I mentioned above that I think someone might be telling me move on from the legal world? I had initially considered teaching yoga in law school, and it is one of those things that just hasn't gone away. I would like to take yoga in a class setting for a year. At that time, if I think it is something I'd like to pursure as a career, then I may do the teacher certifications. Maybe begin teaching a class or two. Who knows, maybe even own my own studio some day.

7. Reunite with an old flame. By that, I mean ballet. It's funny how we come full circle sometimes. I remember starting college, and thinking that dancing was over for me. I related it to an old boyfriend that I broke up with - we couldn't be just friends. However, it is something that has come to mind often lately. It will be hard starting over - I'm not in the same shape I was at 18, I haven't had a proper ballet class in almost 10 years - but I'm willing to suck up my pride and give it a go. I've come to the realization that we don't have to let things we love go just because our life expands. At one time, I thought I had to leave it and move on, but it doesn't (and shouldn't) have to be that way.

8. Take a painting class or two. Painting is one of those things that has always popped into my head, but I easily dismissed it since I didn't take art in high school (don't you love how I determine my entire life on what I did in high school?). I've begun dabbling in it for fun - bought some paint and canvas and gave it a whirl. I'm not very good by any means, but I think some instruction could be useful.

A Reflection

I don't think we can really reach serenity without coming to terms with the past and deciding what positively moves you toward serenity and what takes you away. This is normally done at the beginning of the year, but surely is something helpful throughout. I'd like to take this time to look back on my past year - my first job, the loss of that job, and the search for my next step - and see what things I would change and things that I want to carry forward with me. Things I've learned, and things I want to avoid in the future.

1. People I met over the year. I was fortunate to meet many people during the past year. Some who became close friends, and others who taught me more about the person I do not want to be. To both groups, I express gratitude, for I learned something from all. From those who became friends, I learned that good things always come from bad circumstances. If I left a trying time with a good friend or two, then it was a blessing indeed. There were, unfortunately, too many people I met this year, and had to work with, that were unethical, unpleasant, unprofessional, and just plain unfriendly. Being the kind of girl who thrives on civil, pleasant, friendly interaction with others, this was very much a cultural and moral shock. However, it was something I needed to see, as we encounter these types of people everywhere in our lives and must learn how to deal with them. Whether I actually have learned how to deal with difficult people, and difficult bosses, is unclear, but I am on my way, and practice does make perfect.

2. Landing my first lawyer job. Last year (or rather a year and a half ago) I accepted my first attorney position, and moved to a new city to start my life as an independent person. As I've expressed numerous times throughout this blog, the job environment was lacking to say the least. For most of my employment with the firm, I seriously questioned whether being an attorney was the right job for me. As I worked in a civil defense firm, I never saw any of my clients, much less ever spoke with them. It certainly wasn't the justice that I had in mind in college and law school. Most of the time I felt inept, uneducated, and stupid - granted it was mainly the people who worked around me that I allowed to make me feel that way. It was hard to ever really feel that my work was mine, that my cases were mine, that I was a licensed attorney and not some child constantly scolded my wicked stepmother.

3. Having a nice apartment. One of the major benefits of being employed as an attorney is a nice paycheck. Though I lived in a small town, I was able to say that I lived in the nicest apartment complex in town. And it was a very nice apartment - very new, right on the water. I bought a sofa. I loved it.

4. Rescuing my first dog. Last summer I rescued my first dog from the local humane society. I wanted a dog since college, but reasoned that I may not be ready for the responsibility. But last summer I was so downtrodden, depressed, and lonely, that I decided it was definitely the right time for a pet. During the past several years, I had looked at various purebreeds. However, when I actually sat down, ready to find my pet, I was moved to look at the local shelters. That research encouraged me to look further into animal shelters and their purpose. Now I am a complete supporter of those people who give their time to helping so many unfortunate animals in need. One weekend, my boyfriend was in town and we went to a shelter to see the animals. At first, it was shocking to see all the animals in cages with concrete floors, but I took the time to look around and I found one of the greatest loves of my life - a chihuahua mix I named Bentley. He is, by far, the sweetest and most loving dog I have ever met, and he has done nothing but make my life better.

5. Rescuing my second dog. Last fall, I started thinking about bringing a second dog into my home. Most of this was due to the fact that Bentley had a bad case of separation anxiety. Whether this was created at the shelter or was just his personality, it made it difficult to leave him alone. As I debated about the second dog, my boyfriend called and told me of a lady who was looking for someone to take her chi-mix dog because she couldn't afford to neuter him. I took it as a sign, and adopted him. His name is Bogart ("Bogey"), and I would not say that he is the sweetest dog I have ever met, but he is a good dog and keeps Bentley busy running around the house. I think adopting Bogey may have been the best thing I did for Bentley (other than rescuing him).

6. Losing my job. At the end of August last year, I got a lovely email from my boss stating that "it wasn't working out," and that my employment with the firm was "terminated immediately." No explanation, no face-to-face confrontation. After all the time, stress, and tears, all I got was an email. It was one of the most insulting and degrading moments I've experieneced (the only thing that tops it was the year I actually spent at the firm enduring the stress and tears). However, it was also the most liberating experience. This I recognized even when it was happening. I hated my job. I hated the people. I wanted out. I was miserable, and I didn't know how to get myself out. So, the decision was made for me, and it did save me.

7. Leaving my independence. The loss of a job inevitably means the loss of independence, if you do not find another soon. I maintained my apartment and independent life until the end of November. Then, the apartment lease ended and I had to resort to moving home with my family. On one hand, I am eternally grateful that my parents always open their home to me. However, it becomes easy to view it as failure. I try not to allow the feelings of failure to overcome me, but they do. I simply repressed them, which never works.

8. Maintaining friendships with those I left behind. Moving back home meant leaving the friends I made through my job. The effort has been to maintain the relationships and allow them to grow over the geographic distance. These friendships have been invaluable during this trying time, as these friends understand where I came from and are great shoulders to lean on during the weak times. It is hard sometimes, however, because maintaining friends who still work at the firm means I cannot truly leave that life behind. I still hear about the difficult people and the injustice that runs rampant. I try to be a shoulder for them, but also force myself not to let their stories overcome me, as I simply cannot continue to allow that firm to influence my sensibility.

9. Finding another job. Now that I am jobless, the inevitable task at hand is to find another job. I've spent the past 6 months sending out resumes like there is no tomorrow. Frustratingly, the interviews are sparse and the job offers are non-existent (obviously). It is easy to tear myself apart by this state of affairs (and believe me, I have). A growing part of me feels that it is a sign or preparation for something. One way to view the fact that I do not know where this journey end is as a blessing, an opportunity. Being someone who always plans her next step, this time has been especially trying.

There is more I'm sure I need to reflect on. This are just the big events that have happened over the past year. My next step is to take these reflections and create intentions, things I want to proactively accomplish, during this year. Until next time...