too short holiday

my lovely three day weekend is over. way too soon, i might add. while it was relaxing and i got to do a bit of retail therapy, i feel guilty because i didn't do the things i set out to do. i didn't get my pedicure, i didn't spend time goal setting, and i didn't spend time practicing yoga. now, while i realize that most of us don't stick with our original plans, i really am feeling the lack of discipline and motivation to take care of myself and really put myself in a position to do things that mean something to me and that i enjoy. i'm reminded of a quote that kimberly wilson put on her blog recently - "the tragedy of life is not death; rather, it is what we allow to die within us while we live." lord, isn't that the truth. i've always been frustrated with myself for not being more outgoing and just doing the things i'd like to try. i get so focused on looking stupid or whether i'm too old to try this or that (yes, and i realize that i'm only 30). what am i waiting for? who am i trying to impress? if i want to try ballroom dancing, then i should just show up and go for it. if i want to start ballet classes after a 10 year hiatus, then i should just do it. i don't know why it is so much easier said than done, but it is my constant struggle. complacency is easier, i suppose.

taste of home

well, today hell must have frozen over for i spent my evening at a cooking class given by the Taste of Home magazine. yes, a cooking class. now, i am not completely anti-domestication, but cooking has always been something nice in theory for me, not practical. i love the idea of cooking - being hands-on, creating, etc. - but it's just hard for me to find the time after work and all that. but i'm getting kind of tired of eating out and i'm starting to get the cooking bug. we'll see if it actually leads to anything.

tomorrow i get to sleep in and have a nice little holiday since the county is shutting down in honor of Fair Day. Ah, the joys of working in a small town. i'm definitely thinking pedicure tomorrow and maybe try working a little more on some goal setting, yoga, and listening to some hip tranquil chick. maybe i'll even cook something!

mental health day

today i took a "mental health day", as one of my co-workers calls them. i spent the day doings some fun things like making a collage, doing some goal-setting, and just reflecting in general. after months of sitting around, not interested in doing anything, i'm finally, slowly coming out of my shell. funny it should happen as we head into fall but i guess the (slight) change in weather is prompting it. for months, i have had no interest in yoga, eating well, or just taking care of myself in general. i was overworked, overstressed, and all of those other over-isms. while the workload hasn't slowed down, i'm trying to make myself step back and separate myself more from my job. it is just a job. i have to keep telling myself that, but it is really hard. that competitive side in me just keeps pushing me, but it isn't healthy and it leaves my life very one dimensional.

so, i'm trying to get back into yoga at home and then start my classes again. i'm also trying to refocus on my goals and start doing things to achieve them. so, today was a pretty productive day.

more victoria

you can hate me all you want, but i can't help it. victoria beckham is my style god. now, there has been some major controversy, but i seriously love the new haircut. adorable!



and, FINALLY, her real clothing line is making its debut and the pictures i have seen so far are incredible. yes, all of the dresses are the same length and similar in cut, but why mess with a good thing? and these dresses are fantastic. now i just need to get my butt back to the gym so i can justify spending the money for one.

ike hype

well, thank goodness after all the excitement bordering on hysteria, hurricane ike has passed us by. living between san antonio and austin, there was a lot of concern even late friday night, but saturday and sunday were as sunshiney as could be. my parents in katy, however, didn't fare as well. miraculously, they survived the storm fairly well - only the cable went out for a while and some branches were strewn about the yard - but others in katy were much worse off - no water or electricity for 2 weeks!

my best friend's sister had her wedding on saturday in round rock. she was stressing out big time about ike, as it was supposed to dump a ton of rain on the area all day saturday. considering her ceremony was outdoors, this was a problem. i said some prayers for her and fortunately saturday was a pretty day and the wedding went off without a hitch. well, except for the fight that broke out at the reception. that's right, i said fight. two chicks went at it late in the evening while on the dance floor. probably one of the most bizarre things i've ever seen at a wedding. the wedding coordinator said it was a typical mexican wedding, which was a pretty bold and somewhat offensive thing for her to say to a wedding guest, but i guess she was that pissed off. fortunately, she didn't say it to any of the hispanic guests or she might have been dragged out on the dance floor herself! anyway, it was a pretty good wedding and i'm just happy for the bride and groom that all the stress paid off.

i'm not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow, but i need my paycheck so i have to suck it up. time for bed!

confessions of a shopaholic

i seriously can't contain my excitement! i am a HUGE fan of the shopaholic series by sophie kinsella and i had heard a couple of years ago that a movie would be made, but then nothing else. i finally saw the first preview on tv the other night and am so excited it is happening! yea! i can already tell that the story line has some pretty significant changes, but that is to be expected. the hard thing about watching a movie about a book you really love is that the "artistic license" taken in the movie is so much more obvious and annoying. i have to keep an open mind and so far the pics and the previews seem totally fun. can't wait!

on another note, i am so proud of myself because, after about 4 months now, i finally did some type of working out this evening. i can't explain why i've been so anti self care other than work. it's always work. my true difficulty is that i simply can't separate myself from my job. this is what keeps making me think that a job in self care (ex.-yoga) of some sort might be better for me. i don't know. but today i finally organized my little pink room that had grown into disarray and rearranged the furniture and, voila, i found my drive. now, i certainly didn't do 2 hours of heart-pumping cardio. all i did was a 35 minute pilates dvd, but the sad thing is i felt it big time in my tush and abs and, more importantly, i felt even better afterwards. baby steps. i'm still not feeling so great about work, but i'm trying to, once again, spend my free time on me rather than stressing about work. as i am testament to, this is much easier said than done, but i don't consider myself a failure unless i quit trying. :)

anyway, now i am sipping on some yummy tazo tea and curled up with my puppies. for the moment, i am in bliss.

wanting something more

i'm sitting in my fabulous pink room that currently isn't so fabulous because i've got papers and things strewn about. however, i have a nice candle burning and my heater on, so i'm quite cozy. yes, i have a heater on in texas in september, but i'm odd that way. i get so chilly normally, much to my boyfriend's dismay. he's hot natured; i'm cold natured. it definitely becomes a problem sometimes.

friday was a rough day-one of many. my juvenile docket was long and tiring, as usual, and i was pretty much worthless for the rest of the day. there's parts of my job that i truly love, but dealing with certain @$$hole attorneys and people that never change is seriously getting old. i know that many prosecutors leave due to burn out and i'm feeling like i may become one of those. i really want to stick this job out for 2-3 more years, but after that i'm not too sure. i know that every job or profession has its difficulties, but i really want to find one where, for the most part, it focuses on the positive. i don't know if i will ever find that, but i guess i have 2-3 years to try. to stay positive, i just think about my best friend and her job - she's an associate attorney for a big firm in dallas and she pays her dues in more ways than i ever would. she's always staying at the office until midnight or so, the work sounds tedious - just document review and motion writing, the office politics are horrific, and pretty much every other negative thing you hear about big law firms. like i said, i have so much to be thankful for, but it still isn't enough. maybe i'm selfish, but i want something more. i need help.