pink wedding

are these not adorable!?! pale pink wedding dresses, what a great idea. not too out of the box, but just enough to be unique. this is definitely one to remember. i'm imagining all shades of pink and red as accents. too fun!

thinking

so, i have taken up walking around our neighborhood in the evenings with john. it's amazing how much of a difference it makes just taking a brisk walk outdoors. i feel better and it doesn't take too long to see results physically. why is it always so difficult to maintain a routine? beau and i are both guilty to getting lazy and tired when it's just our slovenliness that makes us so. such is the cycle.

over 2 years ago, i made some belated new year's "intentions." interestingly, i never bothered to look back and see what i accomplished, but i'm kind of feeling the bug now. so, here goes . . .

1. focus on friends and family. i remember feeling depressed about losing contact with so many friends over time. while i have improved on maintaining contact with my family, keeping in touch with friends has continued to prove difficult. getting beyond the e-mail only status is just difficult with busy jobs, lives, and distance.

2. find a great job. fortunately, i can say with much satisfaction that i have come a long way toward this goal. granted, i continue wistfully thinking about other non-legal things i could do, but perhaps i'll always be looking for the next great thing. i am at least in a position where i can say that i am happy with my job and i don't drive to and from work in tears.

3. spend time creating a welcoming space. ugh. right now i am so far from that goal, but i blame the temporary living situation. before i moved in with john, my apartment had come along pretty nicely. now that we are moving into a house, i'm so excited to buy "adult" furniture and really make it home.

4. take care of my dogs. i really have improved on this one. we have a local dog park nearby that we go to all the time, which i am going to miss terrible one we move. but, i still plan to haul the babies there; it shouldn't be too bad. my pups really have enjoyed hanging out with john's dog. they have so much fun together, and the biggest perks about the new house are the large backyard and the fact that i can stop by during lunch to let them out. it's the little things, i guess. :)

5. focus on yoga. ok, so not so good at this one. i think about yoga all the time, and during my month off between jobs i was so good about daily practice. alas, i have currently regressed back to neglect. i hope, hope, hope, that our upcoming move will bring me closer to studios that i can get serious about.

6. focus on teaching yoga. this one has been completely on hold while i focused on getting a job in my first career that i can actually get through without crying all day. baby steps. first i need to focus more on number 5, but i am always intrigued by the idea of teaching and helping others.

7. reunite with an old flame (ballet). i've gone so far as to look at a local ballet school's adult schedule, but have not gone so far as to don tights and a leotard and struggle though a class. haven't given up on it, but just haven't really done anything with it.

8. take a painting class or two. now, i had done a little bit of painting before i moved in with beau, but now there's no space and i just haven't made time to continue playing around with it, much less take a class. still something i would like to do. plus, i've been scouting out places to take beading classes so i can make awesome jewelry.

so, that's it. i think overall i've made some progress. i definitely feel better than i did two years ago - about myself, my situation, and my future. i still have a ways to go and time is a'ticking.

the paris apartment

i have found the most beautiful blog called the paris apartment. for anyone who dreams of paris and all things french, it is a must see. how can you miss a site that has pictures like these:

don't they just make you feel excited and inspired? i especially love the sign with the pregnant woman and the beautiful interior design just makes me want to jump on a plane and experience it for myself. i mentioned to my sweetie (again) how much i want to go to paris and he told me that i need to get my passport since it takes almost a year to get one these days. when i told him that i wasn't likely going within the year, his response suggested that he might have his own plans for our trip! too adorable! so, we'll see. wouldn't it be wonderful if he took me there and proposed? not that i'm expecting anything. ;)

anyway, so i'm feeling all romantic and frenchy lately. i really can't wait for our move because it will bring me closer to things that i want to do, such as fabulous yoga studios and the alliance francaise where i can start my french lessons. there's no way i'm going to that fabulous country and not speak the language (plus, i've heard that they very much frown on that - not that i blame them).

so, here's to feeling inspired!

new house

things are going pretty well. the job is still good, but keeping me pretty busy. now that i've gotten the hang of things, though, it's not quite as crazy as it was. the worst part of the job is the defense lawyers, of course. but they are even worse here than in my old job. so whiney and, quite frankly, stupid. i'm learning how to put my foot down with them.

the really good news is that john and i have found a house and will be moving into it in 2 weeks. i am so happy to leave apartment life behind. after 9 years of it, it's about time. we definitely do not have enough furniture to fill it, so guess i just have to go shopping. it feels so good to finally feel like i'm putting down some roots.

moseying

so, things are moseying along. john and i are house hunting. we're just looking to rent but the idea of having my own place with my own backyard is just so exciting! i'm sure the 3 pups will love it too. i'm equally excited because in december we are going to las vegas! i've never been to vegas before, and this will officially be our first vacation together. yes, we've dated for over 8 years and have never taken a proper trip together (i don't count visits to the parents). so, not sure what we'll do when we get there, but i want to do EVERYTHING!

otherwise, things are still going great. the job is pretty fun, but i sometimes miss the little town i used to work in. i'm trying to focus more on yoga and self-care, but it is slow coming as usual. someday i'll find the motivation to focus on that, but that will be after my 6 jury trials in november and christmas season.

thank god for my simple life

so, tomorrow will be my 2 month anniversary at the new job. it is still going great, but is SO busy! and i keep getting new job duties all the time. i like to think it's because they're excited about how i'm doing.

john and i are trying to get serious about finding a house to rent. i think we've narrowed down the location. now, it's just a matter of finding a house. to be able to open the back door and let the dogs run free in the morning will be my greatest joy. :)

so, i really, really . . . really have a completely insane friend. COMPLETELY! that would be because she got arrested for a dwi this past weekend. i'm seriously at a loss about what to do with her. i'd like to think that going through this mess will scare her straight, but i'll believe it when i see it. i'm so glad i live a simple life.

things are good

life is good. the job has been going fantastically. it's hard to believe that i've already been working for 3.5 weeks. time sure flies, as they say. and, believe it or not, i've already gotten a promotion. the juvenile prosecutor up and quit without any notice one day and the da and chief civil prosecutor approached me with the job. of course, i said yes, and so this week will be my last as the jp prosecutor. i did the juvenile docket this last friday, and it went pretty well. this county does the hearings a bit differently from my last job, but i can adjust and hopefully contribute some new things into the system.

living with john has also been good. things are still a bit cramped in his 1 bedroom apartment with our 3 dogs, but that will be changing in less than 3 months. there's still so much i'd like to try and get started on, but money and time always seem to be tight. right now i have to focus on our vegas trip in december. i promised john i'd take him for his birthday and there's no way i'm backing out b/c i can't save money. besides, it's about damn time we took a real vacation together. i'm so excited!

new job

yea! so i have a new job. i am now an assistant district attorney. i'll be spending a large part of my time in the jp courts, which will require a company car, laptop, and cell phone since i'll be out of the office most of the time. ahh...the perks. an interesting quirk about the job is that it apparently involves dealing with members of the republic of texas "cult". sigh...so i hope it won't become a danger to my health. we shall see. anyway, here's to another new beginning...

birthday

yesterday was my 29th birthday. i feel so old. however, i had a fantastic day. my best friend, jennifer, came to town from dallas to celebrate with me. we first went to dinner at boudro's, and while the food was fantastic, the ambience was lacking. i always forget how crazy the riverwalk is during the summer. yucky tourists in their flip flops and t-shirts sitting 2 inches away from us kind of made the restaurant less special, but overall it was good. we then ventured off to zinc champagne and wine bar. i like the place because it never gets too crazy crowded. jen and i drank champagne all night long. after the obligatory stop at ihop, we went home and crashed. i had a great time and i hope john and jen did too. while i can't believe that i'm 1 year away from 30, it's not really so bad. here's to my last year of youth.

i did it!

so...it has been a while since my last post. first thing, mi padre is doing fabulously! his recovery is something of a miracle. he's had a hard time breathing and doing anything physical for some time, but since his surgery things have gotten significantly better. he'll never be able to run a marathon, but to be able to walk from room to room without practically keeling over from breath shortage is a huge improvement.

on another note, i did it! i actually did it! at the beginning of may, i gave my notice to my boss and as of june 1, 2007 i have been living with john in san antonio. i was so nervous about giving my notice, mainly because i did not know how my boss would react. amazingly, while he was very upset by my leaving, he did not take it out on me. he was very positive about my moving up and wrote an almost embarassingly flattering letter of recommendation. furthermore, the reaction from the entire courthouse to my leaving really made me feel like i made an impact on that place. from judges to attorneys to staff, everyone let me know how much they would miss me and what a great job they thought i did. every judge offered to provide a reference without my asking. my office threw a wonderful going away party that everyone attended, even judges. i can't begin to explain the effect that place made on me. it was a great environment to work in and i learned so much during my year there. given my state when i started this blog, i'd say this is true progress.

now, while that is all well and good, the fact remains that i've quit my job and moved to a new city. i now have a whole new slew of challenges, the first of which is one that i'm already familiar with - the job hunt. one thing i told myself when i decided to make this move is that i need to put myself in more control over my career decisions. no more letting others do it for me. therefore, if i want a job in san antonio, then that's where i'm going to work. no more traveling the texas countryside because that's all i think i can get. and, surprisingly, it has already started to pay off. i have my first interview this week with the da's office.

anyway, time for bed. more to come...

daddy

greetings! i'm sitting here at my parents' house trying to deal with an allergic reaction to my new mascara. i'm trying to make myself presentable since i have to visit my daddy in the hospital in a little while. he had a minor heart attack this past wednesday and is recovering from that. the surgery to find the blockages and fix them went fine. unfortunately, the incision began bleeding internally and that requires another surgery today. my poor daddy. he's starting to handle it pretty well, but he was not a happy person wednesday - friday. not that i don't blame him. so, that's my life...

Ho Hum...

Greetings! I have nothing to write about today, but oh well. It's a quarter past 6:00, and I really should be home already, but I'm dragging. Tomorrow I have a jury trial in JP court. Not exactly high profile, but it is only my third jury trial, so I'm still a bit nervous. What amazes me the most is why someone actually wants to challenge an unrestrained passenger charge? Seriously. Oh well, I'll just call it practice.

Work is going pretty well. My secretary came into my office this morning and asked if I was still thinking of leaving. It's nice to have people want me to stick around so much. Don't I feel special. Anyway, not much else to say. Until next time.

You're Never Too Sick for New Shoes

I'm a bit under the weather today. Sore throat, groggy head. I'm praying it doesn't get much worse. Other than that, things are good. Work is constant, but not overwhelming. A couple of weeks ago, I got to spend a week in Austin for what is affectionately called "baby prosecutor school." It was great meeting young prosecutors from all over the state. I may have even made a connection with an attorney at the Harris County DA's office. Unfortunately, a major ice storm hit Austin that same week, and I was pretty much locked inside the hotel. It was still nice to get away from the work grind. Last night I participated in a teleclass with Kimberly Wilson, yoga instructor and author of Hip Tranquil Chick. I've never done anything like a teleclass before, so it was kind of neat. It was short, so she couldn't delve too deeply into the topics, but at the end she opened up the forum to questions and I realized people were there from Ohio, DC, and tons of other places. It's amazing how she has connected with so many people all over the county.

Anyway, I'm off because, in spite of my sickness, I must go shoe shopping!

Moving On

And we meet again. Amazing how it has been over two months since I've been here last. The gaps between entries grow further and further apart. Oh, the joys of employment! Today is Christmas. I'm spending it at home with my parents and my boyfriend and our many, many dogs (five, specifically). The bf left this evening to head back home, so now it's just me and my thoughts. With the new year approaching, it's unsurprising that those thoughts revert to my accomplishments over the past year and where I'm at now as opposed to this time last year. In some ways, I have absolutely grown and bettered myself and my situation, but in other ways I feel like I'm still where I started. I guess it is asking too much for immediate and remarkable change, and, honestly, gradual change is probably easier to handle, though I may not have the patience for it.

I think I've made a decision (wow!). I've decided that once I hit the one year mark of this job, I'm moving back to San Antonio. There is serious doubt as to whether I will continue in the legal world once I move, which is a source of consternation at the moment. I'm trying not to let everything overwhelm me, and to focus on the bottom line. Specifically, by the time May comes around, I'll have been separated from the bf for almost three years. For three years we have been doing the long-term thing, and while I feel that it's been a good test for us, I also feel that, obviously, this cannot continue forever. Some part of me feels like I've been running or exploring for the past few years, and now it's time to return to home. Another part of me feels like I'm doing the typical female thing of forgoing my career to follow a man. But, I tend to be of split mind about a lot of things, so I'm really trying to focus on what I want. And what I want is to be settled - to move on from the student-esque life that the bf and I have maintained long after we have actually been in school. I want a home, I want a relationship where we see each other everyday, and, someday, a family. That ain't happening if I continue to stay away from him.

My moving from San Antonio hasn't been due solely to the fact that I sought employment outside of San Antonio. I had sought opportunities in SA and for some reason none amounted to anything. So, I have been forced to look elsewhere, but perhaps not for naught. In the past few years as an attorney, I've done things I absolutely never thought I could. I've been a litigator - something I vowed I would never do in law school, I've sat first chair in jury trials (even won some!), and I've become a more independent, stronger person. I don't know if I would have done that if I simply stayed in SA under the protective wing of the bf and the security of familiarity. The decision to quit a not completely sucky and very stable job and move away is very unlike me. I've always been taught to make safe, secure, predictable decisions. Quiting one's job and moving in with a boyfriend, albeit a boyfriend of almost eight years, is not a decision I make often. Actually, try never. But one way I look at it is this, this is the first time I really have stepped out on a limb, stepped out of my comfort zone, took a chance at something that everyone else would say I shouldn't. All those types of things. And I feel really good about it. So, go me!

Elucidate

Where have I been? Almost 2 months since my last post. Time is flying at lightening speed. It's hard to find time to just stop and be in the moment. As is always true with a new job, I find myself engrossed in all things work. Even my boss pleaded with me to take today off. I didn't, and of course, it was a good thing since last minute crises popped up right and left. One of the things about being a government attorney, things always arise last minute. It either keeps it interesting or will make me go insane. The jury's still out on that one. I've had some successes during the past few months. I got 2 juvenile murder suspects certified as adults. I feel that the right thing happened, but it does conjure up sympathetic feelings for the boys. It's too bad that kids end up with the wrong types of people and get into serious trouble for it. I work in a small county, but it is amazing the gang activity that prevails. Of course, gang activity was the source behind the murder these boys were facing. Sometimes, though, we have to pay big for our mistakes. That's life, I suppose. Anyway, the other things I've done I'll just kindly call "learning experiences." I had my first witnesses lie on the stand. That was unpleasant, but I do know how to handle that situation if/when it happens again. I've got another gang related case going to trial next week, so I'm pretty sure some of my witnesses will be lying there as well. I'm ready for them.

Other than work, not much else to talk about. I'm actually reading books again. I was so wired or tired by the end of the workday, that a lot of my books have gone unread for some time. I'm forcing myself to make more time for reading, and it is working to my advantage. It's just such a calming and creative activity for me. I just finished reading Breakfast at Tiffany's by Truman Capote. It was pretty good, but nothing quite beats the movie in terms of visual aesthetic. I'm now finishing A Passage to India by E.M. Forster. It is such a great novel. I had finished about half of it before I started working, and then it got pushed aside while I adjusted to this crazy job. Hopefully, I can finish it soon.

I've noticed a most unfortunate decline in my physique. Desk jobs and stress tend to have that affect. As much as I love yoga, it too has fallen by the wayside as I tend to come home to tired or unfocused to do an hour of yoga. But, I can really feel the lack of physical activity's toll on my body. I'm dragging, slow, but my mind is zooming. It's the worst combination, and I know the remedy is getting my butt up and exercising. I'm trying to get back into a routine of taebo to get my body more pepped up, and then bring in some yoga again. Why are there not enough hours in the day for everything we need to do???

The bf is doing well. He finally got a formal job offer from the company he has been interning with for a year and a half. I know he is thrilled, but it makes our separation that much more infinite. I'm pretty happy where I'm at for the time being, and he's happy where he's at. Who knows what the future has in store for us. We've been geographically separated for 2 years. To anyone else, that is crazy, but we still hang in there. What for, I'm not sure.

So, that's my update in a nutshell. Someday, I'll be where I want to be. In the meantime, I'm still working on this lawyer thing and trying to throw in a little yoga, reading, and boyfriend.

Muse

I'm an incredibly visual person. The right pictures and scenery can invoke such creativity from me, that I always take the time to google for various images, usually those relating to yoga, ballet, meditation, etc. Of course, I've been doing just that this afternoon, and felt like sharing some of my finds.

Gratitiude

Okay, it is long past my birthday, but I wanted to create a list of 28 things that I love or that I'm grateful for. I saw this on hiptranquilchick.blogspot.com, and think it's a great idea to help stay focused on the value of my life. So, here goes:

1. My family.
2. John.
3. My dogs.
4. Good friends.
5. My new job!
6. Tiffany (as in the jewelry store)
7. Hot shoes.
8. My college and law degrees.
9. That my car has lasted as long as it has (saved me some much needed $$$).
10. Flowers.
11. My fabulous bathroom!
12. Yoga and wellness.
13. Manicures and pedicures.
14. Opportunity and potential.
15. Books (of all genres, of course, but particularly books on wellness and fiction).
16. My pink cell phone!
17. Being a lawyer.
18. Ability to facilitate change.
19. My faith.
20. french manicures
21. pink pedicures
22. my artistic inclination (though I see less and less of it as the years go by)
23. opportunity
24. being able to support myself
25. expectation
26. smiles from strangers
27. fabulous shoes
28. each day (though I tend to not appreciate this on a daily basis - one of many things I'm working on)

Work

Here is where I work - the epitomy of a small town courthouse. It's actually pretty cute, and I like that it is an historic building rather than the modern monstrosities.

Tired

So, I've hit the downwind of the new job high. Things are moving fast and furious, and I'm struggling to keep up. My mentor attorney has taken ill for over a week now, and, while I'm sorry that he feels bad, I'm stressed out trying to figure out what I'm doing. Part of me says to just relax, and if I mess up, I mess up. Another part of me (the perfectionist, I guess) its starting to get pretty freaked out. I suppose this up and down is normal for any job. I typically overstress about things, and then the result is not so bad. Perhaps this is the lingering effect of my previous job. Whatever it may be, it's pretty trying to get through. Well, the day is over. Time to go enjoy my few precious hours out of the office.

Life is Good

Wow! It has been four weeks since my last entry. Part of the reason for that is due to my lack of cable/internet at my apartment. Another part is just the sheer speed with which time is flying. I'm sitting here at my office at work and just marveling at how far I've come. It's not the smoothest road out there, but I'm learning a lot from my mistakes. I actually drive home from work most days with a smile on my face. That's such a new feeling for me!

In some ways, my job is pretty simple. I handle hearings for juvenile and CPS cases. Those departments are the ones primarily responsible for the day-to-day handling of the files. My job is to just present the cases at the various hearings. Procedurally, it is not too challenging and is something that I think I'll catch onto easily. In other ways, though, I really feel some level of fulfillment from my work. Though I usually don't see the children who are given new lives and opportunities by CPS or the kids who have taken the wrong path in the juvenile cases, I see what my work contributes to and I find value in that. Definitely a first for me.

I haven't yet made time for my non-work life - something I really need to remedy, but I'm feeling good about where I'm at. Just felt the need to put that on pen and paper (or keypad and screen?).