setting goals

i'm in a pretty good place after a very lazy weekend. i don't know where my motivation has been for the past 4-5 months, but i'm finally coming out of my funk. i've set up a yoga schedule and i'm getting serious about creating a plan of attack for possibly teaching yoga in the future - something i've daydreamed about for years but always seemed to push aside. i suppose hitting the big 3-0 has forced me to recognize how fast time flies. no time like the present to get serious about life change. my goal is to start a teacher training program next fall. the program i'm looking at is 8 months long, but the classes are all on the weekends to accomodate those of us having to work while we learn. i never thought of myself as much of a teacher when i was young, but my current job has given me opportunities where i have had to educate people at different seminars and i really think this is something i can do and would enjoy doing. i don't know if this will necessarily lead to a career change, but at a minimum it is something that i can do after work on on weekends to take my mind away from work.

too short holiday

my lovely three day weekend is over. way too soon, i might add. while it was relaxing and i got to do a bit of retail therapy, i feel guilty because i didn't do the things i set out to do. i didn't get my pedicure, i didn't spend time goal setting, and i didn't spend time practicing yoga. now, while i realize that most of us don't stick with our original plans, i really am feeling the lack of discipline and motivation to take care of myself and really put myself in a position to do things that mean something to me and that i enjoy. i'm reminded of a quote that kimberly wilson put on her blog recently - "the tragedy of life is not death; rather, it is what we allow to die within us while we live." lord, isn't that the truth. i've always been frustrated with myself for not being more outgoing and just doing the things i'd like to try. i get so focused on looking stupid or whether i'm too old to try this or that (yes, and i realize that i'm only 30). what am i waiting for? who am i trying to impress? if i want to try ballroom dancing, then i should just show up and go for it. if i want to start ballet classes after a 10 year hiatus, then i should just do it. i don't know why it is so much easier said than done, but it is my constant struggle. complacency is easier, i suppose.

taste of home

well, today hell must have frozen over for i spent my evening at a cooking class given by the Taste of Home magazine. yes, a cooking class. now, i am not completely anti-domestication, but cooking has always been something nice in theory for me, not practical. i love the idea of cooking - being hands-on, creating, etc. - but it's just hard for me to find the time after work and all that. but i'm getting kind of tired of eating out and i'm starting to get the cooking bug. we'll see if it actually leads to anything.

tomorrow i get to sleep in and have a nice little holiday since the county is shutting down in honor of Fair Day. Ah, the joys of working in a small town. i'm definitely thinking pedicure tomorrow and maybe try working a little more on some goal setting, yoga, and listening to some hip tranquil chick. maybe i'll even cook something!

mental health day

today i took a "mental health day", as one of my co-workers calls them. i spent the day doings some fun things like making a collage, doing some goal-setting, and just reflecting in general. after months of sitting around, not interested in doing anything, i'm finally, slowly coming out of my shell. funny it should happen as we head into fall but i guess the (slight) change in weather is prompting it. for months, i have had no interest in yoga, eating well, or just taking care of myself in general. i was overworked, overstressed, and all of those other over-isms. while the workload hasn't slowed down, i'm trying to make myself step back and separate myself more from my job. it is just a job. i have to keep telling myself that, but it is really hard. that competitive side in me just keeps pushing me, but it isn't healthy and it leaves my life very one dimensional.

so, i'm trying to get back into yoga at home and then start my classes again. i'm also trying to refocus on my goals and start doing things to achieve them. so, today was a pretty productive day.

more victoria

you can hate me all you want, but i can't help it. victoria beckham is my style god. now, there has been some major controversy, but i seriously love the new haircut. adorable!



and, FINALLY, her real clothing line is making its debut and the pictures i have seen so far are incredible. yes, all of the dresses are the same length and similar in cut, but why mess with a good thing? and these dresses are fantastic. now i just need to get my butt back to the gym so i can justify spending the money for one.

ike hype

well, thank goodness after all the excitement bordering on hysteria, hurricane ike has passed us by. living between san antonio and austin, there was a lot of concern even late friday night, but saturday and sunday were as sunshiney as could be. my parents in katy, however, didn't fare as well. miraculously, they survived the storm fairly well - only the cable went out for a while and some branches were strewn about the yard - but others in katy were much worse off - no water or electricity for 2 weeks!

my best friend's sister had her wedding on saturday in round rock. she was stressing out big time about ike, as it was supposed to dump a ton of rain on the area all day saturday. considering her ceremony was outdoors, this was a problem. i said some prayers for her and fortunately saturday was a pretty day and the wedding went off without a hitch. well, except for the fight that broke out at the reception. that's right, i said fight. two chicks went at it late in the evening while on the dance floor. probably one of the most bizarre things i've ever seen at a wedding. the wedding coordinator said it was a typical mexican wedding, which was a pretty bold and somewhat offensive thing for her to say to a wedding guest, but i guess she was that pissed off. fortunately, she didn't say it to any of the hispanic guests or she might have been dragged out on the dance floor herself! anyway, it was a pretty good wedding and i'm just happy for the bride and groom that all the stress paid off.

i'm not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow, but i need my paycheck so i have to suck it up. time for bed!

confessions of a shopaholic

i seriously can't contain my excitement! i am a HUGE fan of the shopaholic series by sophie kinsella and i had heard a couple of years ago that a movie would be made, but then nothing else. i finally saw the first preview on tv the other night and am so excited it is happening! yea! i can already tell that the story line has some pretty significant changes, but that is to be expected. the hard thing about watching a movie about a book you really love is that the "artistic license" taken in the movie is so much more obvious and annoying. i have to keep an open mind and so far the pics and the previews seem totally fun. can't wait!

on another note, i am so proud of myself because, after about 4 months now, i finally did some type of working out this evening. i can't explain why i've been so anti self care other than work. it's always work. my true difficulty is that i simply can't separate myself from my job. this is what keeps making me think that a job in self care (ex.-yoga) of some sort might be better for me. i don't know. but today i finally organized my little pink room that had grown into disarray and rearranged the furniture and, voila, i found my drive. now, i certainly didn't do 2 hours of heart-pumping cardio. all i did was a 35 minute pilates dvd, but the sad thing is i felt it big time in my tush and abs and, more importantly, i felt even better afterwards. baby steps. i'm still not feeling so great about work, but i'm trying to, once again, spend my free time on me rather than stressing about work. as i am testament to, this is much easier said than done, but i don't consider myself a failure unless i quit trying. :)

anyway, now i am sipping on some yummy tazo tea and curled up with my puppies. for the moment, i am in bliss.

wanting something more

i'm sitting in my fabulous pink room that currently isn't so fabulous because i've got papers and things strewn about. however, i have a nice candle burning and my heater on, so i'm quite cozy. yes, i have a heater on in texas in september, but i'm odd that way. i get so chilly normally, much to my boyfriend's dismay. he's hot natured; i'm cold natured. it definitely becomes a problem sometimes.

friday was a rough day-one of many. my juvenile docket was long and tiring, as usual, and i was pretty much worthless for the rest of the day. there's parts of my job that i truly love, but dealing with certain @$$hole attorneys and people that never change is seriously getting old. i know that many prosecutors leave due to burn out and i'm feeling like i may become one of those. i really want to stick this job out for 2-3 more years, but after that i'm not too sure. i know that every job or profession has its difficulties, but i really want to find one where, for the most part, it focuses on the positive. i don't know if i will ever find that, but i guess i have 2-3 years to try. to stay positive, i just think about my best friend and her job - she's an associate attorney for a big firm in dallas and she pays her dues in more ways than i ever would. she's always staying at the office until midnight or so, the work sounds tedious - just document review and motion writing, the office politics are horrific, and pretty much every other negative thing you hear about big law firms. like i said, i have so much to be thankful for, but it still isn't enough. maybe i'm selfish, but i want something more. i need help.

bachelorette party

my best friend's sister's bachelorette party was last night in austin. amazingly, despite all the weddings i've been in and all my friends who have gotten married, i have yet to go to a bachelorette party. crazy, huh? we started at one girl's apartment where we had fun munchies and sweets and the lingerie party. i found such a cute outfit for her that was a little bit preppy and a little bit punk. we had a beautiful (expensive!) cake, penis cookies, and alcohol, of course. then we all headed to 6th street to get our booze on. being post-college, i'm not a big fan of 6th street, and last night was particularly bad considering it was the first weekend after school started. ugh! plus, there had been a UT game that day and, considering i went to A&M...not much of a longhorn fan. we got free champagne at a bar called pure, went to a sucky piano bar where there was actually a cover, and finally went to maggie mae's, which would have been a cool place if (1) we had a place to sit and (2) we were in jeans and flip flops. so, by the time we sat on the stairs for an hour, my friend and i decided to call it a night. today, we checked out of our hotel and had lunch at trudy's, a yummy tex-mex restaurant, and then i dropped my friend off at the airport.

i'm so glad we get an extended weekend for labor day. now, what to do tomorrow for my day of . . .

the light

i'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. not sure why because work is still crazy, but i'm feeling a calm about it. in the past few months, i've stopped doing all my creative activities. i dropped my french classes, yoga, reading, everything. i've just been working so many hours and have been tired and draggy. it's starting to show, though, on my thighs and belly. So, that's usually my wake up call that i need to start looking after myself. today, i walked my poor dogs for the first time in forever. lately, boyfriend has been the one who assumed that responsibility and i had no problem letting him. i guess everyone goes through these types of cycles, but it makes me feel guilty when i get in my lazy zone.

tonight we're going to sushi zushi for dinner. love that place! afterwards, we are going to a new bar called cocoa. all the drinks and appetizers are inspired by chocolate! how fabulous is that?!

on another note, isn't this a cool picture? just had to share it because it reminds me of my ballet days. like i could even dream of doing this now. :)

showers and bathrooms

this past weekend i hosted my first bridal shower for my friend's sister. i have to say that i did quite well for myself and the party went without a hitch. the food was good, my house looked good, and we got the guest bathroom finished in time. so so so fun! check out the fantastic cake from the cake shop in san antonio. it cost a pretty penny, but was totally worth it. also, check out the fun dog pictures in the bathroom. i named them walter and beauregard. love them!

the bachelorette party is in a couple of weeks and we are going to live it up in downtown austin. i'm pretty excited about that, as i will definitely need a break after a couple of jury trials. i must find something exceptionally cute to wear since i will be going out with a bunch of early/mid-twenty year olds. sigh...

weighing heavy

today i had to call in sick to work. i'm simply exhausted to the point where i couldn't even wake up or move this morning. i'm almost to the point of throwing my hands up, which i can't do. so, i need to figure out how i'm going to manage my job because it has been on overload for months now and i don't see it letting up in the near future.

i also found out that my uncle shot himself yesterday. we were never very close, but he was my mom's baby brother and i know she is hurting. suicide is always hard because the people who are left behind feel so guilty.

so, everything is just weighing heavily on me right now.

domestication

so, this has been my weekend project. when we moved into this house, this bathroom had 2 walls painted bright blue and the other 2 walls were painted BRIGHT green. i think it was part of an ocean theme for the previous owners' kids, but regardless, it was a major eyesore for me. the walls are now a tan/khaki color which will look fantastic with my dark brown towels, floor mats, and shower curtain. i'm pretty excited about my accomplishment, as it makes me feel very domesticated. also, after several months of no energy and total focus on work, it feels so good to be working on a non-work related project.

i'm hosting a bridal shower for my friend's sister in less than 2 weeks, so that will be a big focus for me. i've never hosted a shower before, or even a party for that matter, so it makes me feel so grown up.

fortunately, i have no court this week so i hope to use the free time to catch up on my growing work to-do list. we'll see how that works out for me!

thirty, flirty, and thriving

well, it's official, i'm 30. i'm trying to think of it like jennifer gardner in 13 going on 30 - "thirty, flirty, and thriving." my friend who was supposed to visit me is having some financial problems, so i went up to dallas this past weekend to visit her. we had a very laid back weekend filled with some good food and lots of tv. sometimes just chilling out is the best way to celebrate a birthday, especially considering how insane work has been.

i had planned to spend my last week writing 30 future goals and 30 things i'm grateful for. in typical me fashion, i made it to 10 and then lost interest, so i'll try to finish this week.

hermes

maybe i'm still on cloud nine after my big louis purchase, but now i'm setting my sights higher - hermes, please! as most people, i've had to be a fan from afar for far too long. i've decided to at least get my feet wet with a twilly scarf purchase. however, once i've recovered from the cost of my louis bag, i will be setting my sights on hermes. maybe something small like the kelly longue.

twilly scarves:




the beautiful kelly longue:

posh

i was never a huge spice girls fan, though i did dance around to their popular songs. however, victoria beckham just seems to be drawing my attention lately. she gets a wide variety of opinions about her looks, style, thinness, etc., but i officially have to say that i'm falling into the fan category, at least as it pertains to style. maybe it's the hypnotic effect of all the hermes bags, but something just keeps making me look at her. i have to say i'm not a fan of the platinum blonde bob, but otherwise her ladylike style is just up my alley. of course with her figure, just about anything looks fantastic, even if her fake boobies sometimes don't. so, here's a few pics that make me envious of her life. (they also make me want to just stop eating altogether).

louis and other new things

today was probably the most fun i've had in some time - something very much needed. my best friend visited me from dallas, i bought my new louis bag for my upcoming 3-0 birthday, we saw sex and the city, my new tv armoire arrived, and i finally found the perfect artwork for my living room. not that spending money should make me feel better, but taking the leap to buy things i want is a very empowering feeling, considering i'm usually so frugal. anyway, much needed fun before yet another crazy week.

searching for some peace

i'm in need of major regrouping. things have just been so crazy and hectic at work that i haven't had much time for anything else. i'm reaching a breaking point. i even had to go to the office for a couple of hours today to have some quiet time to catch up - unheard of in a government job. i've got tons of jury trials coming up, and that stresses me out.

my yoga has been virtually non-existent for the past month or so. it's just so easy for me to succumb to my stress and stop doing things that will help make it better. my eating becomes unhealthy, which makes me tired and lethargic, which means i don't want to do anything active, and the cycle continues. it's nothing new, but it's so frustrating because i felt like i was doing so well. every time i tell myself that work will no longer consume me, there it goes again.

well, tomorrow is a new week. i'm trying not to beat myelf up about this, but i'm also trying to give myself a little kick in the rear. we'll see how it goes.

sick as a dog

i've been a bit under the weather for the past week, which finally culminated into a true cold a couple of days ago. i'm frankly feeling like crap, but what can you do? yesterday, in the midst of my cold, i had to go to one of the local middle schools and speak with students about abstinence and sex crimes. it pretty much was as fun as it sounds. however, on a very interesting note, i was at an interview today of a 13 year old girl who was making a sexual abuse outcry against her father. at one point in the interview, the interviewer asked her if someone had talked to her about private parts of the body, and she mentioned the program that i spoke about the day before. after investigating, i found out that she was at the school i spoke at and she made her initial outcry last night. that was so fantastic to hear. while it is horrible what she has gone through and punishment under our laws is too good for her father, it was so rewarding to know that speaking with those kids meant something to at least one of them. really just incredible.

need a new life

i'm moved to write, but i'm just not sure what about. work is really stressing me out now. i feel like i've made some bad decisions and i'm just feeling worn down and frustrated. here i go again. i'm getting that feeling yet again like all the jobs past and want to get out. i've decided that if i leave this job, then i have to make a career change because i'm tired of switching jobs on a yearly basis. i'm really getting into my yoga classes, so maybe sometime soon and can take a teacher training. i just don't know what else i'd want to do. theoretically, with a law degree, many doors should open for me, but the options are so overwhelming that i sometimes feel that being a lawyer is all there is for me. and that is a sad thought indeed.

but, it's not all bad. i've learned so much and pushed myself harder than i ever have. i know i'm here for a purpose, but i just wish i knew what the destination was. i guess we never do.