weighing heavy

today i had to call in sick to work. i'm simply exhausted to the point where i couldn't even wake up or move this morning. i'm almost to the point of throwing my hands up, which i can't do. so, i need to figure out how i'm going to manage my job because it has been on overload for months now and i don't see it letting up in the near future.

i also found out that my uncle shot himself yesterday. we were never very close, but he was my mom's baby brother and i know she is hurting. suicide is always hard because the people who are left behind feel so guilty.

so, everything is just weighing heavily on me right now.

domestication

so, this has been my weekend project. when we moved into this house, this bathroom had 2 walls painted bright blue and the other 2 walls were painted BRIGHT green. i think it was part of an ocean theme for the previous owners' kids, but regardless, it was a major eyesore for me. the walls are now a tan/khaki color which will look fantastic with my dark brown towels, floor mats, and shower curtain. i'm pretty excited about my accomplishment, as it makes me feel very domesticated. also, after several months of no energy and total focus on work, it feels so good to be working on a non-work related project.

i'm hosting a bridal shower for my friend's sister in less than 2 weeks, so that will be a big focus for me. i've never hosted a shower before, or even a party for that matter, so it makes me feel so grown up.

fortunately, i have no court this week so i hope to use the free time to catch up on my growing work to-do list. we'll see how that works out for me!

thirty, flirty, and thriving

well, it's official, i'm 30. i'm trying to think of it like jennifer gardner in 13 going on 30 - "thirty, flirty, and thriving." my friend who was supposed to visit me is having some financial problems, so i went up to dallas this past weekend to visit her. we had a very laid back weekend filled with some good food and lots of tv. sometimes just chilling out is the best way to celebrate a birthday, especially considering how insane work has been.

i had planned to spend my last week writing 30 future goals and 30 things i'm grateful for. in typical me fashion, i made it to 10 and then lost interest, so i'll try to finish this week.

hermes

maybe i'm still on cloud nine after my big louis purchase, but now i'm setting my sights higher - hermes, please! as most people, i've had to be a fan from afar for far too long. i've decided to at least get my feet wet with a twilly scarf purchase. however, once i've recovered from the cost of my louis bag, i will be setting my sights on hermes. maybe something small like the kelly longue.

twilly scarves:




the beautiful kelly longue:

posh

i was never a huge spice girls fan, though i did dance around to their popular songs. however, victoria beckham just seems to be drawing my attention lately. she gets a wide variety of opinions about her looks, style, thinness, etc., but i officially have to say that i'm falling into the fan category, at least as it pertains to style. maybe it's the hypnotic effect of all the hermes bags, but something just keeps making me look at her. i have to say i'm not a fan of the platinum blonde bob, but otherwise her ladylike style is just up my alley. of course with her figure, just about anything looks fantastic, even if her fake boobies sometimes don't. so, here's a few pics that make me envious of her life. (they also make me want to just stop eating altogether).

louis and other new things

today was probably the most fun i've had in some time - something very much needed. my best friend visited me from dallas, i bought my new louis bag for my upcoming 3-0 birthday, we saw sex and the city, my new tv armoire arrived, and i finally found the perfect artwork for my living room. not that spending money should make me feel better, but taking the leap to buy things i want is a very empowering feeling, considering i'm usually so frugal. anyway, much needed fun before yet another crazy week.

searching for some peace

i'm in need of major regrouping. things have just been so crazy and hectic at work that i haven't had much time for anything else. i'm reaching a breaking point. i even had to go to the office for a couple of hours today to have some quiet time to catch up - unheard of in a government job. i've got tons of jury trials coming up, and that stresses me out.

my yoga has been virtually non-existent for the past month or so. it's just so easy for me to succumb to my stress and stop doing things that will help make it better. my eating becomes unhealthy, which makes me tired and lethargic, which means i don't want to do anything active, and the cycle continues. it's nothing new, but it's so frustrating because i felt like i was doing so well. every time i tell myself that work will no longer consume me, there it goes again.

well, tomorrow is a new week. i'm trying not to beat myelf up about this, but i'm also trying to give myself a little kick in the rear. we'll see how it goes.

sick as a dog

i've been a bit under the weather for the past week, which finally culminated into a true cold a couple of days ago. i'm frankly feeling like crap, but what can you do? yesterday, in the midst of my cold, i had to go to one of the local middle schools and speak with students about abstinence and sex crimes. it pretty much was as fun as it sounds. however, on a very interesting note, i was at an interview today of a 13 year old girl who was making a sexual abuse outcry against her father. at one point in the interview, the interviewer asked her if someone had talked to her about private parts of the body, and she mentioned the program that i spoke about the day before. after investigating, i found out that she was at the school i spoke at and she made her initial outcry last night. that was so fantastic to hear. while it is horrible what she has gone through and punishment under our laws is too good for her father, it was so rewarding to know that speaking with those kids meant something to at least one of them. really just incredible.

need a new life

i'm moved to write, but i'm just not sure what about. work is really stressing me out now. i feel like i've made some bad decisions and i'm just feeling worn down and frustrated. here i go again. i'm getting that feeling yet again like all the jobs past and want to get out. i've decided that if i leave this job, then i have to make a career change because i'm tired of switching jobs on a yearly basis. i'm really getting into my yoga classes, so maybe sometime soon and can take a teacher training. i just don't know what else i'd want to do. theoretically, with a law degree, many doors should open for me, but the options are so overwhelming that i sometimes feel that being a lawyer is all there is for me. and that is a sad thought indeed.

but, it's not all bad. i've learned so much and pushed myself harder than i ever have. i know i'm here for a purpose, but i just wish i knew what the destination was. i guess we never do.

tra la la

so, it's been an insane time lately. my dad has been in the hospital for the past 2 weeks. he finally was released this past saturday, so he's getting better but we were all really unsure about that for quite a while, himself included. it makes me much more aware of his mortality, which i don't like to think about too much. but, fortunately, i can set it aside now for the time being.

while i was stressing about my dad, work has been on major overload. everyone wants something from me - one of the beauties of being a lawyer. one of my big juvenile cases got resolved and i have another set for jury trial next week. i'm pretty sure it's going to get resolved before then, but the stress of dealing with it is tiring. anyway, trying to find tranquility lately has been difficult. i'm trying to keep up with my yoga even though i'm so drained by the end of the day. i keep telling myself i'm working towards something, but i'm still kind of stumped about what it is.

dragging along

i'm taking a break from work and hanging out with my pups during my lunch break. i love that i finally live close enough to work to do this. work is overwhelming me, as usual. there just isn't enough time to do each of my jobs thoroughly. if i was just the juvenile prosecutor, that would be fantstic, but i have these other responsibilities tacked on to that and they need just as much time. it gets hard, but at least i can say i earn my money.

tonight i must go to yoga. i've blown off my classes for almost 3 weeks now and i just don't know why. i tell myself it's laziness, but after my creativity circle i'm trying not to think that way. for some reason, i'm talking myself out of going, but not tonight.

i'm now on a ballroom dancing kick. watching dancing with the stars might be to blame. unfortunately, one of the problems with living between 2 major cities is that doing anything in either takes a long time. there's a place in austin that looks like fun, but that means a 45 minute commute to and from the studio. on saturday, that's fine, but after work is kind of rough. i so wish i lived in the city. another goal for myself, i guess.

more lavender

so, i've really been on a lavender kick lately, and i'm starting to get a gardening itch too. now, i've never been a green thumb kind of gal, but then again i've never lived in a house before (well, except my parents' of course). our backyard is so empty. with the exception of a small baby tree smack dab in the center, there is nothing. i'm really thinking that i want lavender somewhere in the yard. would this not be beautiful?

grand jury

this week has been crazy! working late every night, running around all day. but, i got to take my first case to the grand jury this past wednesday! i had no idea what to expect, as i've never watched one before. but it went fantastically and i had lots of fun doing it. i wonder if i could find a job where all i do is take cases to the grand jury. i doubt it.

anyway, right now i'm vegging out on the couch, watching to dog whisperer, and drinking a glass of wine. life's good for now.

lavender

i'm in love with lavender chocolate. who wudda thunk it? but, honestly, it tastes divine and you really feel like you are splurging on yourself with just one tiny bite. i kind of sound like a commercial, but it's true. i'm always a big fan of lavender, but lately it seems like even more so. i've found some lavender earl grey tea and i've even been thinking about growing lavender in my backyard. i'm doing some research on it, so we'll see.

i just got back from taking my pups on a walk. thank goodness i've thoroughly worn them out because they were getting crazy rowdy for a while there. my neighborhood is still being built, so it's kind of fun to go exploring and see what new things have been built. today i discovered this pretty little walking trail that leads to a playground. what a nice surprise.

tomorrow i officially start level 2 at my yoga studio. and, she's increased her offerings, so i should be able to take class there at least three times a week. don't you love how doors sometimes just seem to magically open and things just start to work out? i'm kind of in one of those moments now with some personal things and am loving it. of course, the hard thing is that there are no more excuses for not doing the things i want to do - too much work, no local opportunities, etc. but i'm all for pushing the self-initiative lately.

work is still going. there are a few tough spots right now that i'm hoping to get dealt with soon. i don't know why i choose to be a lawyer when i get really stressed out over conflict. one of the many conundrums i find i've put myself in. i'm setting a goal of keeping this job for at least 2 years, but that means i still have about 16more months (not that i'm counting or anything). sadly, there are things that i really love about my job, but the few things that i don't really are big. sigh . . . will i ever be satisfied?

do de do

i've kind of been feeling blah and overwhelmed lately. work has been stressing me out and has made it difficult for me to really get into the new things i've started -my yoga classes, french classes, and the online creativity circle i joined. it's so frustrating.

my easter weekend was pretty good. i went home to houston to visit my parents and we basically vegged out all weekend. i'm pretty proud of them because they actually tried thai food. they're not much for venturing beyond "normal food" so this was pretty great. after a nice church service on sunday, i headed home.

one positive thing about work is my involvment in starting a teen court in our county. last night was our first court session and it went fantastically! i'm so proud of our teen volunteers and i think it will be a great program. plus, i got some air time on the local radio station and we had a nice write-up in the local paper. gotta love small town life. :)

where have i been?

where has the past month gone?!? i just got back from visiting my friend in dallas. she needed a friend as she just got diagnosed with thyroid cancer. very shocking and unexpected, considering she is only 28 years old. from what i hear, if you have to have cancer this is the type to have - there is a 95% cure rate. however, the "c" word always sounds like a death warrant no matter what type it is. i think she'll be okay, though. it's just a bit scary right now.

i spent last week in st. louis at a juvenile law conference with one of our county court at law judges and the chief of adult probation. it was a great conference, and the first time i've gotten to "hang out" with a judge. just a positive experience.

work is going on as usual. it's frustrating because i'm still so conflicted over whether i want to do this job. i just wish i could find my niche. i feel like every step is taking me closer to something, i'm just not sure what.

a good day

so, tonight was my first yoga class and i have to say that i completely loved it! i'm taking level 1, so it was literally the very beginning. i already knew everything we covered from my home practice, which made me feel pretty good. i think i'm going to like the instructor a lot and the little space is calm and very nice. i wish i could take class everyday!

another positive for today is that i bought my new sofa, complete with 2 side tables and a sofa table. now that my pink room is officially complete, i can't wait to start on the rest of the house.



and on yet another note, i finally found the new eyeglasses that i want. so, so, SO adorable!

weekend and a sofa

this weekend turned out to be pretty good. my friend from dallas came down to help her sister decorate her new house, so i got to tag along. needless to say, we spent more time shopping for clothes rather than home decor. i got some FANTASTIC sunglasses and a beautiful black jacket. my friend, as usual, spent an insane amount of money. oh, the benefits of being in private practice. saturday night we all went to dinner in downtown austin at rio grande and then headed to a bar called the belmont.

today i headed back home to rescue john from babysitting the pups. the good news is that i think we finally agreed on a new sofa and tables for the house. so, tomorrow i think i'm going to head over to haverty's to see about making it my very own.



also tomorrow is my first formal yoga class ever. after years of an on-again-off-again home practice, i'm finally doing what i told myself for years to do. so, i'm extremely excited and i hope it will be a good experience.

happy heart day!

yea for valentine's day. john and i actually celebrated yesterday since he wasn't sure how long he had to work today. we went to one of our favorite restaurants in new braunfels and john is going to buy me the phone i've been obsessing over for a year or so.

today was an interesting day. about a month ago me and one of the other attorneys were eating lunch at a little cafe close to the courthouse when an elderly man eating a cup of ice cream asked if he could sit with us. he was such a neat man and we had a nice little chat. he was was 83 years old and we could tell that there were some memory issues but nothing too extreme. he mentioned that he was moving to missouri in a couple of weeks to be with family since he was alone here. anyway, apparently he never went to missouri but instead drove to oklahoma one day and then forgot where he was or who he was. so adult protective services got involved and we had a hearing today regarding guardianship. what a truly small world i live in when the only elderly person i know is the subject of this hearing. i could tell he was scared about what would happen to him, but he's a retired air force major and we're working to get him a room in the officers' retirement home at the local air force base. helping this man who cried as he spoke of his wife today really made this valentine's day extra special.

gangs taking over

i'm a bit depressed today because i've spent weeks preparing for a jury trial set for next week that just fell apart. the offense involved soliciting a child into a gang. however, when i met with the victim and his parents yesterday, he completely recanted his story and said it was simply a fight. he looked scared, but the bottom line is that i honestly don't know which is the true story and i can't take a case like that to a jury. it's so frustrating because i believe his first story is true and that he is now too scared to stick to it. it's even more frustrating that kids actually have to face these kinds of challenges. the victim in this case is only 12 years old.